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…time to find out

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Stages of Grief - Acceptance

During this recent election, America showed me what it truly is.  I had hoped that the first term was an abomination, but no, this really IS America. The electorate made this choice knowing what it was getting.  I have to accept that, yet it makes me sad.

You can call me a snowflake with my woke tendencies, but I think everyone deserves to live their life their own way.   As long as you aren’t hurting anyone else, its no one else’s business how you live.  Live and let live.  Treat others the way you want to be treated.

But that’s not what you see from the president elect.

  • You see homophobia.
  • You see transphobia.
  • You see racism.
  • You see xenophobia.
  • You see sexism.
  • You see narcissism.
  • You see hate.

No matter whether he was speaking on the evils of windmills, getting his black people mixed up, talking about mass deportations, extolling the virtues of fictional serial killers, or giving his microphone a happy ending, it was all laced with elements of the above.

I cannot help but think of a lyric from Calypso on the song The Exorcist:

“Love thy neighbor, right?

Or is it only if they’re

Rich, able-bodied, cis, hetero and white?”

A red voter this year might say that they themselves show none of those horrible character flaws.  Maybe.  Maybe that IS the case, but even if that is somehow true, you’ve proven that those hateful things are not deal breakers for you.  You can look the other way because your team wins.  

That doesn’t mean you are a good person.  That means you are an accomplice.  You are still hurting others. 

34 felonies?  No biggie.  Banging a porn star while his current wife is pregnant?  He’s a true Christian. Being an actual sexual assaulter who bragged about grabbing women by the pussy? Well, he didn’t assault MY daughter.  

Ask any woman you know who has been assaulted, and they’ll tell you how horrible this decision by America feels.  It’s just one of many that have been actively hostile towards women recently.

You chose the felon over the actual prosecutor who put bad people in jail.  You want to support the police, yet you put the actual criminal in office.  Somehow, this is all fine to you.  Somehow, you justify it in your mind. Somehow, most police ALSO wanted the felon (unless of course they worked at the Capitol.)

The cognitive dissonance that goes on here is on a level I cannot comprehend. I don’t know how so many people, whom he wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire, worship him.  It will never make sense.

I guess it’s time to see what everyone voted for.

Hello There Stranger

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Or holy crap, how has it been a whole year?

I’ve sat down to write numerous times this past year, and just never felt like finishing anything.  I just wasn’t mentally into documenting the crap I was going through.   I won’t touch on it too much other than I’m happy 2023 is about done. 

I will mention that nearly two and half years after we went into lockdowns and I started writing my COVID Diaries, my wife, youngest daughter, and I finally caught COVID.  It hit us around the fourth of July holiday so we were stuck at home, and I was hit pretty hard.  I can only imagine how bad it would have been had I not been immunized.  But it was inevitable, and now that’s something else checked off the list.  I just got my most recent booster, so hopefully I can avoid a winter strain.

The world is currently in chaos. We are around two years since Russia invaded Ukraine and there is no end in sight to that conflict. And now, Israel is trying to eradicate Hamas after its terrorist attack over a month ago.  There are hate crimes rising against Jews and Muslims around the world.   It’s like a holiday for racist white people.  It just sucks, because I don’t want innocent people to die on either side. I’m against violence of any kind, especially when attacks have a blatant disregard for innocent life.  There has been a recent pause in fighting while hostages have been traded.  Hopefully that is a sign there can be some negotiation, even though the cease fires just ended.

So the world is a powder keg and there is a possible super volcano ready to erupt in Iceland.  Yes, seriously.  So we have that going for us.

One thing I wanted to touch on is that I lost one of my childhood best friends this past year to a heart attack.  He was two years younger than myself, and in much better shape.  It really hammered home how fragile life is and how quickly things can change.  I hadn’t spoken to him in years, but we were inseparable during the summer months.  Playing baseball, basketball and golf while riding around on our mopeds… It was a shock to my system at a time where I was very low myself.  In fact, a couple week prior I had gone to the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack, only to find out it was anxiety.

To recover from my episode to hear my old friend had died was fairly devastating, but it gave me a renewed sense of wanting to be healthier.

I finally got tests done at the doctor that showed I had been dealing with a stomach bacterial infection for the last couple years that was causing me a lot of issues.   I felt sick a good portion of the last two years and this was probably the culprit.   After finally getting the tests, we were able to attack it with antibiotics. In January I’ll get some additional tests to make sure it was fully eradicated. I’m already feeling a ton better, so I’m hopeful.

I’ve also closed my exercise rings on my Apple Watch every day this year. That is definitely having a positive impact as well.  Even on my sickest days I made sure to at least shuffle along on the treadmill for 30 minutes.  I’m feeling a lot better today than I have in a long time.  And that’s good, because I want to be around a long time.

In other news, we passed a milestone in September.   We marked 20 years of this blog. For the last 20 years, I have documented my life, shared technology, bitched about the state of the world, opined about music, gushed over gadgets and fell in love, and then out of of love, with social media.  This blog was always written for me, to document what was going on in my life and to share it with the world.   At times there were an unfathomable amount of people reading, and nowadays, maybe only a few. I hope I have enlightened, entertained, provoked or helped everyone reading this in some way.  No matter whether we were close, or we never met, I hope this place has given you something.

Thanks for sticking around, and I don’t just mean the blog.  I’m really glad you have.   Keep fucking going.

COVID Diaries Pt. 29

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The End?

The end of what you may ask?  Well, I guess I will say it is the end of this series at least.  No one in the States is paying ANY attention to COVID at all.  Other than the immunocompromised that is. 

Shortly after my last post, the CDC posted new guidelines that basically amounted to “Eh, we give up.”  So, people basically did.  You would be hard pressed to see many precautions any longer. Everything has basically eased back into what normal seems like.  Which means people are catching and passing around COVID all the time, but if you aren’t testing, you might not even know.  My mom had it for a second time during this period, and it was nothing more than a mild cold this time around. 

At least one positive is the release of the Omicron focused booster shots.  They are out now, which should hopefully help combat the most common variants that are still circulating.  COVID isn’t over, but I’m sure it will end up becoming more of a yearly flu situation.  As such, this morning I got my updated booster AND my flu shot.  So hopefully I’m well protected for the fall.

Let’s see, what else happened since June?  The war in the Ukraine is still raging on, Boris Johnson resigned and the Queen died in the UK, R. Kelly was sentenced to prison for the rest of his life, there was another mass shooting in Highland Park, IL, James Caan, Ivana Trump, Anne Heche and Oliva Newton John all died.  Mar-a-Lago got raided due to improper storage and handling of classified documents, a childhood friend committed suicide, the NFL season began and a neighbor destroyed a privacy wall of trees on over 300 feet of my property.   So yeah, it’s been a hectic couple of months, and most of the news kinda sucked.

On the good side, Biden got some legislation through that should help the economy and the middle class.  He also is forgiving some student load debt, so that’s huge for a lot of people as well.  Things are trending well going into the mid-terms.  We’ll see if it makes any difference.

I’ve also been trying to buy a car for the last several months, and it has been a nightmare.  I want a hybrid as my last two cars were also hybrids.  I like being less reliant on gas and having the emissions better for the environment as well.  The problem is, due to sky high gas prices, EVERYONE wants hybrids. I haven’t been able to see the model I want in person because they are all sold before they ever hit a dealer’s lot.  I’ve had my name on waiting lists at several places, and even went to buy one, until they showed me the bill with a 20 percent markup of the price due to inventory scarcity.  They also added another $1200 in “protective coating”.    They added $7200 to the cost of the car.  I, not so nicely, told them what they could do with their offer.

So, that is ongoing.  I’m finally supposed to have a vehicle coming in October.  I won’t believe it until I’m sitting behind the wheel though.  Fingers crossed.

Lastly, this is a special day for the blog, as it is our 19th anniversary of posting here.  Pretty wild that I’ve been writing down my thoughts on the interwebz for so long.  I want to at least hit the twenty-year mark before I hang this up though, so you’ll have to hear from me a tad bit longer.  Thanks for being a part of the ride.

COVID Diaries Pt. 28

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The End of Roe v. Wade

It’s been a couple months again, but I had to post today with the news that the Supreme Court has overturned Roe v. Wade.  The right to safe abortions will disappear in 13 states within a month and will leave many more shortly thereafter.  Never mind that this has been settled law for nearly five decades.  Never mind that all the recent conservative Justices that were pushed onto the Supreme Court said in interviews that it was settled precedent.  They just changed their minds, or outright lied during their interviews.   And now here we are.

Clarence Thomas also signaled that this could pave the way for removing access to contraception, as well as same-sex marriage.   And his wife Ginni tried to help overturn the election, and that’s just somehow fine.  Things are very bad now, and I fear that they will get worse.

Something else that DID get worse were mass shootings.   Many happened since we last spoke, and the two most prominent ones were a racist hate crime in a black community grocery store in Buffalo, and the school shooting that took the lives of 19 children and several teachers in second to fourth grade classrooms in Texas.   The police waited and didn’t storm the shooter either, preventing possible life saving medical attention to the wounded children.   So MANY good guys with guns were too damn afraid to storm ONE bad guy with an AR-15.  Kind of ruins their whole narrative, doesn’t it? 

In at least a slight, bare minimum glimmer of hope, today it looks like a very basic gun control bill was passed. It’s something, but it’s been so infuriating to see nothing done about this year after year, tragedy after tragedy, death after death.

The Russian invasion of Ukraine is still going on, and people here don’t pay much attention, and it’s just so weird that there is that much pain and suffering going on and it’s not really spoken about.  People bitch about gas prices instead.

Yes, gas is near $6 a gallon which is the highest it’s ever been in my lifetime.   But we’re not getting blown up, or our land taken, or our people raped and murdered.  I’ll pay $6 and place the blame where it belongs, greedy oil companies that are making record profits, and Russia for fucking up the international oil supply with their bullshit war.

Oh, I’m still keeping these blog posts titled the COVID Diaries, because COVID *IS* still a thing.   We had a scare with exposure this past week, my nephew and niece contracted it, and it’s at high levels in many parts of the country including our own county.  During these past months, we surpassed ONE MILLION deaths due to COVID as well.  Just a staggering number.

The good thing is that symptoms still tend to be very mild in those that are vaccinated and vaccines were finally approved for young children under 6.  Now everyone can get vaccinated, and soon there will be new vaccines that give even better protection from the Omicron variants.   So at least there is some good news there, even though no one is talking about it or acts like it exists.

What else happened?   Well Naomi Judd committed suicide.  Ray Liotta died in his sleep.  The January 6thcommittee has had hearings that have released a ton of insanely damning evidence. Despite the overwhelming amount of evidence against the former regime, there are still people going to the rallies of the troglodyte that tried to overthrow the government.  So THAT is still a thing.  And lastly, the fed hiked interest rates to try to stop rampant inflation.

So not a lot of feel good in the headlines the last couple of months.   Keep hanging in there, keep fighting for what you believe in, and keep fucking going.

After today’s horrible Supreme Court ruling, just know that if any of you need to visit my state, and might need a supportive place to stay, just let me know.

COVID Diaries Pt. 27

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Apparently COVID is Over!

While I really wish for my title to be true, COVID is still causing issues.  China is locking down again which is affecting the supply chain, and cases are going up.  The good news is that hospitalizations are NOT going up, but we are still at the beginning of this blip, so I guess by the next time I write we’ll know more.

That said, in many places of the US, restrictions are gone.  No more mask mandates, no more distancing.  Massive festivals like Coachella went on as planned, and recently a federal judge ruled to end the mask mandate on public transportation like airplanes.

I can’t say that I’ve kept up all the measures either.  The wife and I recently went on a trip to Las Vegas for five days.  It was a party for one of my good friends who turned 70.  There was 30+ people in attendance.  It was after the major winter surge, and we’re vaccinated and boosted, so we decided that we would accept the risk. It was the first time on a plane since 2019.

Well, it was like the pandemic never existed in Vegas.

I’m sure it was pent up demand, but Vegas was busy, and you rarely saw a mask.  Crowds were shoulder to shoulder, restaurants were packed, and it was nice to be normal again.  It was nice, but it was so bizarre as well.  I’ve been a damn hermit for two years and rarely went anywhere other than work, so it was a shock to be around that many people again, but it felt good.

Even though it felt good, I just knew that a good percentage of those crowds were going to have COVID after that.  So, it’s mixed feelings.  I know we must start living our lives again, but I feel we’ve tried too early and each time it prolongs it a little more.   I’m just hoping that no strain turns bad, because it’s going to be extremely hard to shut anything down again.

Who knows, maybe this IS the end of COVID as a major threat. I can hope so, and hopefully it will just end up like a seasonal flu.   But I still think it will be a while before I can end this series. 

I will mention that while in Vegas, I got a stomach bug that kept me with intestinal distress and nausea the entire trip.  I barely ate anything and lost ten pounds.  If you know me, you know how much I love food and especially food in Vegas.  So that was a bummer.  What did I have?  No clue, but it lasted two weeks.  Did I get it from my first meal there?  Did I catch it immediately while not masked up?  I honestly couldn’t tell you, but it wasn’t pleasant.  We were still able to make the most of the trip, but I was pretty miserable for about ten days.  It would be good to forget that, but I figure it needs to be here for posterity.

Since the last time I wrote, a lot has happened, so I’ll lay it all out here. 

Gilbert Gottfried passed away.  My daughter also lost another friend to suicide.   Death has been busy these past years.

Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars and was allowed to stay and then won best actor.  It was disgusting to say the least.  Smith has been barred from attending for 10 years, yet he’s still allowed to be nominated and win.   The whole situation just sucked.  I’m just a bigger Chris Rock fan than I’ve ever been.  He handled it about as well as you could.

Bruce Willis was diagnosed with Aphasia, a brain disorder that messes with cognition and speech, and it’s likely he’s had it for quite some time.

Ketanji Brown Jackson was the first black woman to be appointed to the Supreme Court despite stiff opposition from the right.

Washington Commanders quarterback Dewayne Haskins died after being struck by a truck on the side of a highway.

There have been several more mass shootings as we’ve grown accustomed to, including one on the New York subway.

Russia’s war with Ukraine is still ongoing, with Russian soldiers being accused of many atrocities, and Russia has deported half a million Ukrainians to Russia and are holding them in camps as well.  Ukraine has been defending itself well however, even sinking the flagship of the Russian navy.  The Donbas region is where all the fighting is now taking place.

And lastly, it’s being reported today that Elon Musk is going to buy Twitter.  He wants to take it private and become an absolutist free speech platform.  I’m not sure that will end well at all, but his $44 BILLION dollars are going to give it a try.

I’m sorry but any one person being able to buy an entire platform that the world uses to communicate is too much power for an individual.  The only thing that I hope comes out of this are other viable alternatives.  Time will tell.

Keep fucking going.

COVID Diaries Pt. 25

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Let’s hope it’s not an oncoming train

A few months have passed again.  The current news is that last week Russia invaded Ukraine.  The war is still ongoing, but the world united against Putin in ways I think a lot of us were shocked by.  The response has had crippling economic sanctions, but has even included things such as FIFA kicking Russia out of the World Cup, pretty much every tech company refusing to do business with Russia, and even Switzerland standing against them and freezing bank accounts.

Ukraine still has a long way to go to win this thing, but the entire world is on their side. 

During this crisis, I’ve come to realize how much Ukrainian software I use on a regular basis.   Mac staples like Clean My Max X, PDF Expert, the Spark email client, Grammarly and many more.  These people are still maintaining infrastructure while in the middle of bombardment.  It’s insane.  I hope all of them and the rest of the Ukrainian population can remain safe from Putin.

Outside of the current war, the Omicron variant spiked to its highest levels at the beginning of the year.  We surpassed 900,000 deaths in the US and over 1.5 million positive cases in one day, which are hard numbers to get your head around.  And one that could have been much lower if we didn’t have nutbags who were not masking or getting vaccinated in the name of “freedom.”

Because numbers have come way down after the latest spike, and there are no variants of concern right now, nearly everywhere has repealed guidelines.  No more mask mandate in Illinois or pretty much anywhere.  We’ve basically been told we can go back to normal.  Masks are still required on things like planes and such, but for the most part, everyone can go maskless when shopping or dining or whatever.

While I’m glad it’s happening, I do feel it’s a little premature.  There are still a lot of people who aren’t vaccinated who can get sick out there which could lead to another variant.   There are also still a lot of immunocompromised people too.  Since they are such high risk, everything going back to standard screws them more than anyone. 

For me, I’ll still wear a mask on a plane and may do so for the rest of my life.  The next time I go to a tech conference, I might be tempted to wear one as well.   Both of those activities would often get me sick.  A cold from the plane or “con crud” from the conference.  I may even keep it up for local shopping, but we’ll see.

Due to the newfound optimism in the US, the wife and I finally decided to book a trip.  Soon we will be enjoying Vegas once again.  It’s been too long.   We are both vaccinated and boosted and hopefully that is enough going forward.

I have been careful and paranoid and pretty much a hermit for two years.  It’s time to get back to some of the things we missed out on. 

This year I’ve started a daily journal.  Just jotting down what happened that day, what I did etc.  I’ve been enjoying it, but it makes me even less likely to post here.  We’ll see what happens going forward with the blog, but it might slow down even more.

But looking at the journal, there are some things that happened since the last post.  First, Betty White died right before her 100th birthday which is some cosmic bullshit.    The racist assholes that killed Ahmaud Arbery were convicted in Georgia and then convicted again by federal prosecutors for hate crimes as well.  Those men will be locked up for the rest of their lives as they should be.

Bob Saget died, so shortly after his friend Norm MacDonald.  Meat Loaf and Louie Anderson also died.  Q people started drinking their own piss and taking Viagra to treat COVID.   There were massive snowstorms that crippled the country several times.  Oh and Texas decided to outdo itself in shittiness by also passing an anti-trans bill and labeling parents supporting their children as child abuse.  In case I’ve ever been unclear, Fuck Texas and their asshole governor. 

So that’s the catch up.  Hopefully, at least on the COVID front, we are truly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel this time.

COVID Diaries Pt. 24

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COVID Resurrections

Well, it’s been a couple of months again, just haven’t been all that motivated to write.  A few weeks ago I was going to blog here to catch up on everything, and that was the day Kyle R. was acquitted on all counts in the murder of protesters in Kenosha, WI.

The kid crossed state lines, to defend property that wasn’t his, and obtained an assault rifle that he used.  He killed two people and seriously wounded another, and not a damn thing is going to happen to him.   If you read about the case, it’s pretty much because of the ways the laws are written.  That needs to change.  You shouldn’t be able to go looking for a fight while armed and then claim self-defense when you yourself instigated.  It’s appalling.

So that killed my motivation to write that day and then I let it slide.  Probably should have just put my hands to the keyboard, but hey, at least I’m here now.

Booster shots were approved for pretty much everyone now, so my whole family got ours immediately.  That’s really good news as the latest variant has taken the world by storm.  Omicron is the most recent mutation of the virus and it is way more transmissible than previous variants.  The NFL had to move games again because so many players came down with the virus.  The NHL hit pause on the season, and SNL had to essentially cancel and send almost all of their cast members home due to an outbreak.

All of this is hitting right as we go into the holidays, so it’s not a good trend.

Before Omicron, it almost seemed around here like the virus didn’t exist anymore.  Restaurants and movie theaters were packed, a lot of people weren’t really wearing masks and vaccination rates slowed a lot.   Sports stadiums were full.  Everyone let their guard down, and now hospitals are full again.  Make no mistake, the hospitals are full of people who refused to get vaccinated.  Those folks caught the virus, and that’s how mutations can happen.   Those selfish people are the ones responsible for this spike and responsible for how long this goes on.

Luckily Omicron is mild for people who have been vaccinated, which is good because it is infecting a lot of fully vaccinated people too.  I’m fearful that this recent surge is going to get much worse.  Let’s hope I’m wrong.  The US has already lost 800,000 people to this virus, and I shudder to think what the total can rise to.

The new Spiderman movie made $235 Million at the box office while being in theaters only this past weekend. I’m sure it was just pent-up demand to actually GO to a movie theater, but I imagine it was a major super spreader event now that Omicron is spiking.   Up next, the new Matrix Resurrections movie.  Luckily, I can watch that tonight on HBO Max so I don’t have to leave my house.  That is a much better option for anyone wanting this pandemic to actually, you know, end.

The next month is probably going to be pretty brutal folks, so hunker down, enjoy the holidays with your closest vaccinated family and friends, and please be safe. 

COVID Diaries Pt. 23

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Someone needs to mess with Texas

It’s been a couple months between posts again, but I guess I’ve been in a fairly grey mood.  We cancelled a week in Vegas due to their hospitals being stressed, and a week at home doing the same stuff I always do didn’t feel like the refreshing vacation I had hoped for.

So that sucked, and work has been extremely stressful.  One of my most trusted staff and good friends moved on to an awesome gig, and I couldn’t be happier for him, but after 15 years of working together, it’s going to take a while to get over the fact he’s no longer there.  He’s still a good friend outside of work, but it’s still a bummer.  There is some good stuff going on with work though, so hopefully the stress levels can subside a bit soon.

Fall is my favorite time of year, but we’ve had a week of gloomy, rainy days as well, so I think that hasn’t helped the mood.  I just have to “keep fucking going” like we say.

Since I last wrote here, Texas passed a bill that basically outlaws abortion by deputizing Texas residents to be able to sue anyone who has anything to do with an abortion, including people like the Lyft driver who takes the person to the clinic.  The Supreme Court refused to hear it due to the technicality of the law, so for now anyway, abortion is effectively banned in Texas.

The thing that is so glaringly hypocritical is the fact that the Governor also signed an executive order banning any vaccine mandates.  And he also banned mask mandates.   You know, the two things that could help reduce the spread of the virus.  The things that could help his constituents NOT DIE.   You have the right to choose to not get a vaccination and not wear a mask because of FREEDOM.  Women just don’t have the same rights when it comes to their own bodies.  They don’t have that freedom.  It’s appalling.

Also, Texas schools are being told to teach “opposing views” of the Holocaust.  Holy shit, how do you even spin this?  I really have no words.

I guess Texas is going to Texas.  Sorry Austin.

In other news, William Shatner got a ride into space on Blue Origin’s rocket.  He was the oldest person to do it at the age of 90.   Some people are giving him a hard time for it, saying the money could go to better things, but come on.  If someone offers you a ride to space for free and you are nearing the end of your life, of course you take it.   And if you heard how he spoke after he got out you could tell it affected him deeply.  The innovations in space travel always propel mainstream technology, at least from NASA.  Let’s hope the billionaires and their rocket schlongs do the same.

In a less uplifting story, Jon Gruden resigned as coach from the Las Vegas Raiders after emails surfaced in which he hit every racist, homophobic, and sexist trope imaginable.  I imagine this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this stuff.  Apparently, there were 650,000 emails in the Washington investigation, and these leaked.  If these did, so will others.

Lastly, vaccine boosters have been approved for all the various ones, and guidance says you can mix and match different versions.  It’s only approved for elderly and at-risk right now, so I imagine we’ll have more information to go on once it’s approved for everyone.  But for right now, it’s a good sign, and hopefully we can finally get past this thing.

COVID Diaries, Pt. 22

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Cloudy with a chance of Depression

SemicolonWow, it’s nearly been three months and a lot has happened.  The delta variant of the virus ended up being way more transmissive and took over.  Vaccinated people are getting breakthrough cases, but the overwhelming majority are those that are unvaccinated.

Quite a bit of the population is still not vaccinated, and they are all at great risk.  Hospitals in the South are overwhelmed and the places that did NOT have mask mandates or other restrictions are getting hammered now.  Florida and Texas especially.  Florida even passed a law to PREVENT schools for requiring masks.  It’s all anti-science BS and I just don’t get it.

What does it take for people to see that if you take no precautions, you are going to get sick?  It’s simple common sense, but people are so angry to do it.

It’s so nuts that there have been hundreds of cases of people being poisoned by taking a horse de-wormer to protect against COVID.  Something that is a poisonous neurotoxin if used incorrectly and is made for livestock somehow seems MORE appealing than a vaccination and masks.  Figure that one out.

In other news we’ve pulled out of Afghanistan after 20 years occupying the country.  I’m glad, because I’d rather not be pouring money and American lives into that quagmire any longer.  It’s the right decision, but the Taliban has already taken over, and we are trying desperately to evacuate Americans and allies.  It hasn’t gone well, but we’re out.  We just need to help folks who helped us there for 20 years.

Another thing that took place during this time frame was the Olympics that were hosted in Tokyo, Japan.   Japan was in the middle of a COVID health crisis, so the games went on without fans, and several athletes could not compete due to testing positive.   Another woman was disqualified for cannabis, which is just stupid, and will probably be another blog post at some point.  But the main headlines were that Simone Biles, our best gymnast, probably the best gymnast of all time, pulled out of most of the Olympics due to mental health struggles.

Some asshats criticized her, but most of the world took it as a time to really examine mental health for everyone.  People realized that even the most elite people deal with mental issues, and it’s okay.  It’s okay to take time to work on yourself or get your head right.  As similar thing happened with a pro Call of Duty player who took a few weeks off right before the biggest tournament of the season because he was also dealing with mental health struggles.

It’s both sad and comforting to know so many other deal with the same issues.  I think it all helped people struggling feel a little less alone.  At least I hope so because there have been a lot of people opting out as of late.

Since the pandemic began, both of my daughters have lost friends to suicide.  In addition, another girl that was the first playdate of my eldest took her own life.  A good friend of ours (who is a teacher) found a guy slumped over in his car in the parking lot.  It was a 24-year-old cop who had shot himself.  Then, one I can’t even really grasp.   A husband of someone we know well walked into a gun store, rented a gun for target practice, took a couple of target shots, and then turned around and shot himself in the chest.

This gun store is 30 seconds from my house, and I drive by it nearly every day.  Every time I just get a pit in my stomach wondering how a successful, rich guy with a wife, three kids and a seemingly good life just decides to do that to himself and his family.

But that’s the thing, depression doesn’t make sense.  Depression lies to you.  It preys on your fears and maximizes your worst thoughts.  Depression is real, and a whole lot of people have experienced it during this pandemic.

This, along with the anxiety that the pandemic has brought, is a horrible combo. 

If you are reading this, please understand that you are not alone.  I’ve been depressed and anxious quite a bit myself over the last year and a half.  My family and I have all leaned on each other, and that’s kept us sane.  As sane as you can be in a world like this.

Lean on your friends, lean on your family, lean on your pets.  There are others that feel the exact same way that you do, and talking about it helps.

We talk openly about our feelings, and we use a lot of dark humor to cope.  None of us have been good, but we are there for each other.  We also have a mantra, and I’m dedicated to that mantra.

Keep Fucking Going.

COVID Diaries Pt. 21

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Actual normalcy?

Sorry, it’s been a while since I wrote.   I think that might be a good thing because I didn’t have any major things implode in the world to comment on.  That said, there are still a few.

Since the last post, Chauvin was found guilty in the murder trial of George Floyd.  Thank Cthulhu that happened.  If he had gotten off the consequences could have been dire.

Next, I had mentioned mass shootings in the last post.  Nothing has changed there.  No exaggeration, there have been shootings nearly every single day.  The gun culture of this country is just nuts to me.  I don’t mind guns, but the fact that they are so easy to get, even for dangerous people makes no sense.  I won’t get into that now, but I don’t like living in a world where mass shootings are common and no one seems to give a shit.

On the COVID front, 60% of adults have received a vaccine, which is great, but we still have a ways to go.  Before, it was extremely hard to get an appointment, but now it’s relatively easy and many people are just refusing to get it.  Hell, states are even giving away things like money, and yes, even guns as a reward.  The reward should be that you don’t die from a horrible disease, but hey I guess for some people that’s just not enough.  Sigh.

The CDC has come out and said vaccinated people don’t have to wear masks in most situations.   They still urge non-vaccinated people to wear them.  This has given way to tons of maskless people out in the wild.

I used to get mad about the selfishness of people who refused to wear them, now I’m past that.  If they want to refuse the vaccine and go maskless, that’s on them.   If they get COVID I honestly don’t give a shit now.  Reap what you sow.

My whole family is vaccinated and we all wear masks when it makes sense.  If a business wants it, no problem.  If a friend feels more comfortable meeting with masks, so be it.  But it does feel nice knowing that we don’t have to in most situations.

Which leads me to this last weekend.  My good friend Ron hosts a golf outing every Memorial Day weekend.  It’s the one time I play golf a year.  It was so nice to gather with those 40 guys again.  No one had masks, there were handshakes and hugs, and to be honest, it was the first normal thing I had done in well over a year.  That normal feeling was absolutely overwhelming. 

Work is starting to pick up again, and I was reinstated to full salary, which is a huge help.  The past year was so uncertain, and we drained our savings, so it’s nice to build things back up finally.  I’m still fairly burned out, but it will get better.

The IT work never stopped.  We still had to maintain all the systems, make sure all the users could work remotely, and we did it with a fraction of the staff we had before COVID.  My team has been slammed the entire pandemic, and now it’s ramping up even more.  I look forward to when I can hire some more people so the staff that’s still here can get back to their normal.  I tell them, but I really hope that they know I’m sincere when I thank them and tell them how appreciative I am.  I have a killer team, and I’m proud to have worked with them through this.

I haven’t talked much about my mental health through this pandemic, but let’s just say it hasn’t been good.  I’ll write about it at some point, but I’ve had some of my lowest moments the last couple of months.  I have to thank my wife for keeping me somewhat sane, but we even had the worst fight of our lives not too long ago.   We worked through it, but it was a terrible low point for me.

My two best friends have been a big help too.  We’ve been a group chat and keep in touch every day, and we are helping each other through this, but it’s been rough on all of our families.

Please check on your friends and family, even ones that seem okay.  Because I’ll guarantee you that most people are decidedly not okay.

Lastly, today happens to be my 26th wedding anniversary.  I could not ask for a better partner than my wife.  She was the person who looked after the whole family during COVID and I owe her everything.  I’m not sure what any of us would have done without her, and I am eternally grateful.  Happy Anniversary babe, I love you.

On that note, be kind to people, be safe, get vaccinated and let’s truly get back to some semblance of normal.

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