Oh No, Four Oh.
This Friday, Oct. 22nd, I turn 40 years old. 40. It’s actually kind of hard to comprehend hitting this milestone. It doesn’t seem so far away that I was a punk high school kid working in fast food and chasing tail. Or a college student working as a local radio DJ to pay the bills. Or living in a van down by the river with my future wife.
None of those things seem that long ago, and I have vivid memories of them, but each were a minimum of a decade and a half ago.
Overall, birthdays have always been kinda “meh” for me. I’ve never dreaded them, and I’ve never felt old… until now.
I don’t think I’m feeling old for the typical reasons either. First, I don’t believe in regret. It’s a stupid emotion. If you have a spine, own up to your choices and realize you made them for a reason. I’m not looking back on the past 40 years and wishing I had made different choices. Do I wonder sometimes what different choices would have meant? Certainly. I have that curiosity as everyone does. But that doesn’t mean I regret making the choices I have. Like I said, I made them for a reason, and I am where I am today because of them. So, I’m not upset about 40 because of regret.
Well, a lot of times people look at 40 and take stock of their life and realize that they are not happy in their job, or their relationship, or their financial standing, or they don’t feel attractive or talented in some way anymore. That’s not me either.
Make no mistake, I’m fucking awesome.
So why is this awesome guy with no regrets and a great life not liking 40? Well, it boils down to this. For the first time in my life, I no longer feel invincible.
At 16, 26 and maybe even at 36, I felt like nothing in the world could touch me or get to me. I was bulletproof. Not anymore. I’ve seen too many of my idols, my peers and my friends succumb to things like cancer and stroke. I’ve seen good businessmen lose almost everything. I’ve seen friends and family walk away from upside-down mortgages. I’ve seen some friends unexpectedly divorce, and yet others living in loveless marriages filled with baseless accusations.
All of these things help me realize how lucky I personally am, yet how fragile it all is. It can come tumbling down in an instant. In getting to 40, I’ve felt it always was an uphill climb and I’m now at the peak of the mountain. I’m looking down the other side, and I realize that if I fall now, going downhill makes the wreckage worse.
I guess I’ll just have to do my best not to tumble and enjoy the trek back down the mountain as much as I can.
So hello 40. It’s officially time to be old. Now get off my lawn.
October 21, 2010 @ 1:01 pm
Aw, that’s nothing. Next week I turn 47. And remember, it’s not the years it’s the miles that count
October 21, 2010 @ 1:19 pm
Jeeezzzz John, chill out. I hit 40 LONG ago and am still happy and going strong (just ask my wife
). And yes, I don’t feel invincible; never have.
We are all fragile at EVERY moment of our short lives, whether as a child or at 102. It’s not officially time to be old. You passed that point when your mother popped you out and you went past your first breath.
Things are going to happen to people, whether “good” or “bad”, but I personally believe they happen for a reason. The only real BAD thing in life is when you don’t learn from your experiences, be they “good” or “bad”.
Do you know the old saying, “it’s not how old you are, but how old you feel”? Well take it to heart. Just enjoy what you have, who you’re with, and most importantly enjoy being yourself. That’s it! If you’re not happy with yourself, then find a way to be. Age should have nothing to do with it. (if you don’t believe me, ask my 95 year old mother-in-law)
October 21, 2010 @ 1:48 pm
Heheh… thanks gents. I’ve got enough miles on me too Bruce, but I think I’ve got quite a few left in me.
And George, I’m happy with myself, but at this moment, and moreso in this last year, I’ve “felt” old. For the first time too. Just happens to correspond with 40. Seemed a weird coincidence to me
As you can see I’m happy (see the ‘make no mistake ‘ above) and I’ve always been myself, as you have probably seen on the blog here over the years… heh.
Anyway, thanks again on the well wishes, I’ll chill out now
-Grey
October 21, 2010 @ 1:50 pm
Damn, you ARE old.
Nah…40 is awesome! Welcome to it and enjoy!
Happy Birthday!!!
October 21, 2010 @ 3:43 pm
40? That just means you are now officially past your adolescent years. Doesn’t mean that you can no longer do juvenile stupidities.. Ask anyone (that knows me)