The Divine Mashed Potato Penis

Apparently I’m in the mood to piss people off today. You see, El Reg is reporting that the face of Jesus appeared in a tree in Sussex. Okay. A tree. Jesus’ face. Uh huh.

Add this sighting to the vision of the Virgin Mary on an underpass in Chicago (which looked more like a giant vagina than the Virgin Mary) and the Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich.

People in Chicago fucked up traffic for a week flocking to a simple salt stain on the underpass that happened to look like artist renderings of the Virgin. Devout people.

Now here’s the thing. No one REALLY knows what the Virgin or the Savior looked like. There are no pictures… we just have artist renderings. Some might argue that the Shroud of Turin proves what He looks like, but science disagrees. Anyway, people are flocking to something that looks like artist renderings… It’s idiotic.

First, don’t you think that if some divine entity wanted to give us a sign, it would be bigger than a fucking grilled cheese sandwich? You think the Virgin Mary would show up in something other than in a salt stain? It’s ludicrous to imagine that these are divine signs in any way, shape or form.

Yesterday I saw the likeness of my penis in some mashed potatoes. I didn’t put it there, but damnit, I KNOW it was mine, and it JUST APPEARED. It’s the Divine Mashed Potato Penis. I would let you see It, and be blessed by It’s majesty, but unfortunately I was really fucking hungry.

It went really well with my meatloaf with the likeness of the 12 apostles in it…