Outlaw Sparklers?

So, some alderman want to outlaw the sale and use of sparklers. I say HUZZAH! I’m glad government wants to protect me from the evil sparkler… you know what? I bet that gas grills account for a lot of accidents too… LET’S OUTLAW THOSE!!!!! Please protect me from Darwin…. PLEASE, I can’t be depended on not to be a fucking moron and burn myself!!!! Please please please protect me! I can’t do it myself. I’m just not able. And think of the children… THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!