Okay, there is no kind of pain like tooth pain, (other than possibly administrating MS Exchange.) Currently, I’ve got an abscessed tooth, and I have never felt more pain in my life. The pain is my fault however…

You see, since college, I’ve never really seen a need to go to the dentist. I brush a couple of times a day, take a hit of Listerine and I’m golden. Yeah, yeah, I know I should floss, but I never will, get over it.

Anyway, probably a good six months to a year ago, I had a filling fall/break out. It left a nice little hole in my tooth that I could tongue all night long. *insert snarky comment here* It didn’t hurt, so I left it. Therein was my mistake.

A couple of times since then I’ve had small particles of food take up residence in that hole. Each time it would cause some pretty extreme pain, but working at it with a toothbrush would always remove the particle, and I could move on. That didn’t happen on Sunday.

Sunday evening, my tooth starting aching a bit. I figured it was the usual food particle polka, so I attacked with my toothbrush. Thinking I had it licked, I decided to head to bed. I laid there as the ache grew. The throbbing kept time with the beat of my tell tale heart in Edgar Allen Poe-esque fashion. I couldn’t fall asleep.

I must have gotten up 15 times that evening to re-brush the teeth, drink some water etc. Well, during that time, my cheek began to puff up as well. This had never happened before. Great. This time it’s serious, it’s getting really infected, and I’m one week away from insurance kicking in at the new job.

So, being the idiot I am, I toughed out the night, and decided to go to work. I took mass quantities of Ibuprofin to dull the pain, and headed off. Well, I got through the day, but I was miserable. Miserable enough to know that I had to hit a dentist, and quick. No waiting for the insurance to kick in. Right then I would have handed my credit card and my car to anyone who could make the pain subside.

So I called my doctor and had him phone in a prescription for painkillers. I would need them to get through the night. Secondly, I figured out what dentist I would grace with my presence the next morning.

I got to the pharmacy, picked up some Vicodin, and headed home. My wife and daughter took great care of me. They made me food, and pretty much did everything to make my ordeal a little more bearable. There’s nothing quite like the doting affection of a two year old to make you appreciate your family. I’m a lucky guy.

Well today I hit the dentist first thing in the morning. He took a quick look at the x-ray and gave me the wondrous news. I would need a root canal. Just not today, the infection was too intense. I would make an appointment for Thursday morning, and depart, two more prescriptions in hand.

So, once again, being the Mensa scholar I am, I decided to go to work. Yes work, hopped up on a cocktail of anti-biotics and Vicodin. I swear, I now know why spammers send me approximately 3487 spams a day touting the benefits of cheap V. Vicodin, plain and simple, is the best drug on the face of this planet. If I weren’t already married, I would propose to Vicodin. Our bond IS that strong.

So here I sit, slightly nauseous from my cocktail, working late, and upgrading virus software half a country away via remote control. My face looks like I’ve been beaten to the point that my left eye is half way shut at all times. But I’m feeling no pain. That is until my root canal on Thursday.

Moral of the story, Vicodin is the love of my life. No, wait, actually, the REAL moral of the story is that if you have tooth pain, get it looked at right away, don’t wait, and go to your dentist regularly. I don’t want you to have to go through the same idiocy that I endured.