Cleavage Girl and the Promised-Land pants

After yesterday’s blog entry, I needed a little pick-me-up. The following did nicely πŸ™‚ Today I arrived at the train station, parked, and proceeded to the platform. As I was walking to where the farthest train car stops, I came around a crowd and nearly walked into a woman wearing all white.

Now, moving at that speed, I many times have my head down, focusing my footsteps so I don’t trip like an idiot. That said, my line of sight fell directly upon the woman’s butt.

Like ANY man, I will notice a beautiful woman and her curves. There’s no harm in it. But this woman, aside from wearing all white, had the tightest pants on I’ve ever seen. The pants actually strained to her promised land with a veracity not seen very often in the history of fabric. Needless to say, she was hot, and this was a good thing, but I felt as if I knew her intimately after only a couple second glance.

Normally this would be the end of the story. Walk, See nice ass, move on. But it went comically deeper than that.

I boarded the train and climbed to the second floor. From the second floor, you can see down to those sitting on the first floor. Well the woman in white slid into a seat directly to the right of me, and in my line of sight. She had a “himbo” in tow and as he went to sit down, the train must have jumped out to attack because he smacked his head loudly on the overhang. When he did this, I glanced down to survey the damage, and this is when I noticed the “cleavage to end all cleavage.”

The woman with the promised-land pants also had a VERY low-cut shirt. To top it off, she unbuttoned the two top buttons to a point that would easily facilitate the jail-break of her fake breasts if she so much as sneezed. And these WERE fake, rock-hard and beautiful. Kudos to the plastic surgeon. I mean, if this woman were to do jumping jacks, these things would simply stare you in the eye unwaveringly with that “are you lookin’ at me?” glare.

So now, I have to figure that this woman is compensating for SOMETHING. It’s like a guy driving a Corvette. You know there’s a reason. She seemed to be a tad too old for her outfit, so maybe this was her way of clinging to her youth. I dunno.

This alone was not the funny part. Events that transpired next seemed right out of a bad movie or music video. First off, the temperature was warm, so she took off her white sports coat so now her bare arms and shoulders could lead the eyes to her cleavage.

Since it was warm, she grabbed a magazine and started fanning herself, shaking her hair along the way. It was like those slow motion sequences where women toss their hair about as it blows in the breeze. She seemed so awkward doing it that it almost HAD to be on purpose.

Shortly thereafter the conductor came by. He’s a grumpy little troll of a man who rarely looks happy. Well Ms. Promised-land and her himbo had monthly train passes, but they were for a different stop. I have NEVER seen a conductor actually ask a passenger for the monetary difference before, but he stopped there. He took his time calculating the difference, taking the money, making change, and giving them the ticket, all the while leering directly at her breasts. It was so obvious that I couldn’t help but laugh. He was smiling today. Ahh, the power of boobs.

Obviously, paying for a train ticket works up the appetite. Ms. Promised-land bent over (of course) to root through her bags to find herself some breakfast. After spending way too long in the bent over position, she pops up with, what else? A banana. This was so ludicrous that I had to do everything in my power to stop from laughing out loud. She then proceeded to seductively peel the fruit and eat it in deep large bites. I don’t know if this was for the benefit of the himbo, but she fellated that fruit with a gleam in her eye.

The whole thing was so absolutely comical that there was no sexiness to it at all for me. Granted, she had a great body, but having to work THAT hard for attention wasn’t attractive at all. It just made me laugh.

What a great way to start a Friday!